Jamish. On a stick. With pencils.

Occasionally, I slip into my own personal dialect of English which one of my friends dubbed, Jamish. Jamish is based on substitutions. If I were to announce, for example, I'm SO egg salad! My mad cousin came today! you would be meant to understand that I'm excited because my magazine came today. You can also rearrange syllables to make things more interesting-- like when I go to eat at Calipizza Forniakitchen.

Sometimes, descriptive phrases are preferred over words which sometimes lack nuance. A good example of this is the chewy thing at the bottom of the sink. The words, garbage disposal, are not wont to pass my lips-- I mean, it's not the sort of thing that works it's way into every day conversation. Anyway, everybody knows what I mean when I say it. So, Jamish is not always obscure. Shut up.

In Jamish, EVERYTHING and ANYTHING can and does come on a stick. This morning I opened my refrigerator on a stick to get my lunchskaya don'tchaknow. Skaya is an important modifier which can be added to any word on a stick to add emphasis. Since lunch is a happy thing it tends to be my lunchskaya... don't ya know. Don't ya know, which sounds like, don'tchaknow? indicates that I've said what I've said and there's not much else to tell.

Pencils are like sticks. Unlike sticks however there is no such thing as a bad pencil. You can only imagine my delight to discover that steak on a stick is featured on the menu at Friday's. It is important for Jamish speakers to ask questions when so prompted by your server. Questions like, "About the steak on a stick... can I get that with pencils instead of sticks?" are very important to achieving fluency. And if, in the end, you're presented with chicken fingers and a few little pencils as a sort of do-it-yourself appetizer, then you're speaking perfect Jamish. It's also important to let everyone know that chickens don't have fingers and you don't know why they call them that.

There are also ubiquitous adjectives which can mean anything. Usually I'm not sure what they mean but they sound festive. If you are egg salad to tell me about your promotionskaya then I'm likely to tell you that's festive. Cute is ok to use as well however it must be pronounced correctly-- for Jamish that is. Try saying, Kyoto, with a Swedish accent. Now drop the trailing 'o' sound and you've got the correct pronunciation of cute. So, when asked what you think about your co-workers new hair, you can say it's cute. Anything that you perceive to be larger than it should be-- even if only by a few millimeters-- is huge. Huge is pronounced in the same fashion as cute and may require some practice. Festive and cute may sound like cop-outs but they're really little greenhouses in which opinions may later grow and flourish, but which, more importantly, emphasize the fact that most things in life have an attractive, positive aspect. Jamish is a dialect of optimismskaya... don'tchaknow!

Well now you've had the baby on a stick version of Jamish 101. Laterz.