You can count on us...

Just don't ask us to count! Not only are Sunshine State officials lacking the ability to count-- this is not a localized phenomenon as this extends all the way to the Legislative Branch-- but they are also lacking the ability to operate a machine that can actually do the counting for them! Meanwhile, in spite of this fiasco, we still expect them to demonstrate the fiscal prowess to count money. Not small change mind you, but amounts totaling, as the late Carl Sagan would say, billions and billions.

Consequently we're facing what can only be described as a budget deficit crisis. By crisis, I mean debacle. The latter often leads to the former.

Rest assured, good Floridians, that all is not lost. The Children's Television Workshop in cooperation with the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is sponsoring the No Legislator Left Behind program. The first guest speaker to address the State House and Senate this week is no other than The Count! That's right, one, ONE embarrassing elected official who can't count... two, TWO embarrassing elected officials who can't count... AHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAA! You get the picture.

Interestingly enough, additional funding was provided for the entire legislative branch to take standardized exams. Each Senator and Representative was given the choice between sitting for the FCAT or spending a day playing the Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader? board game. The results were quite fascinating and not very public. Let's just say we have a C House and a D Senate. Even more alarming is the impact this is having on Tallahassee property values.

Which brings us to Amendment 1. You do realize the only reason it was called Amendment 1 is because that's how high they could safely count while still fulfilling their executive oaths of office, don't you? Additionally (ha ha, get it?), how do you think they came up with the $200 figure? I'll give you a hint: What comes after 1? The remainder of the session was spent debating how many zeros come after the two in two hundred.

Apparently reading isn't a strong suit either. It wasn't all that long ago that their was over a $3 billion surplus in the budget reported-- in an actual report. It's not as if anyone was suggesting that conditions in Florida would be improving significantly. In fact, Bloomberg reported to the contrary. Personally, I find the lack of newspaper or television reporting devoted to the subject over the last 6 months to be highly suspect.

Yet, most worrying of all is the fact that we voted for these people but have no guarantee that our votes were even counted correctly. Or, at all. Perhaps we didn't actually vote for these people. Perhaps they're all in office due to a bold act of opportunism. Perhaps. Either way, whenever anyone says that your vote counts, one can't help but think, "Void where prohibited by law and in Florida."